A Dialog on Right Relationship and the Choice of Being

Seeker: What does it mean to live in "right relationship"?

Turiyosho: Right relationship means meeting yourself and the world with awareness and choices that align with the deepest meaning. Every moment presents you with a choice—but are you truly choosing, or merely reacting?

Seeker: I'm not sure I understand the difference. Don't we always choose what we do?

Turiyosho: Consider this ancient story: Rinzai once asked a nun, "Well-come or ill-come?" The nun shouted. "GO ON, GO ON," cried Rinzai, taking up his stick. Again the nun shouted. Rinzai hit her.

Seeker: That seems harsh! What was Rinzai trying to teach?

Turiyosho: He was pointing to the fundamental choice we face in each moment. "Well-come" means living in inner harmony, accepting life as it is, and making choices that are positive and lasting. "Ill-come" means being disconnected, acting from self-interest, creating harmful patterns.

Seeker: So the nun was choosing "ill-come"?

Turiyosho: Perhaps. The point is that most of us live "ill-come"—on autopilot, reacting automatically rather than consciously choosing. This is the common human condition.

Seeker: But how do we break free from these automatic reactions?

Turiyosho: The ancient Persian prophet Zarathustra spoke of this choice thousands of years ago. He described Asha—truth and order—versus Druj—falsehood and chaos. He emphasized choosing good thought, good speech, and good deed.

Seeker: That sounds simple, but in practice...

Turiyosho: Indeed, it's especially challenging in our age of extreme information flow, technological advancement, and increasingly complex economic and political landscapes. We must observe ourselves carefully.

Seeker: What does "coming back to love" mean in this context?

Turiyosho: Love is the fruit of right relationship. "Coming back to love" is about remembering that we have a choice, and then choosing the right thing. We are at a crossroads and need to remember our roots.

Seeker: So it's about conscious choice over unconscious reaction?

Turiyosho: Exactly. By reorienting the mind to its root, we can transform our approach to life's challenges. This isn't just intellectual understanding—it's a lived experience of harmony and authenticity, living intentionally moment by moment.

Seeker: And this leads to what you call "well-come"?

Turiyosho: Yes. To cultivate this state of "well-come" through methods for the mind, speech, and body. It's about seeing both your pain and joy as powerful sources of strength and growth, embracing your wholeness rather than fragmenting yourself.

Seeker: But why should I see pain as a source? It is obvious to me that joy is a source!

Turiyosho: This is exactly what needs to be cut at the root.

There was once a man called Mulla Nasruddin, a character widespread in old eastern storytelling. This man walked by a store full of sweets. He couldn't believe his eyes! His mouth was drooling as he was walking up and down in front of the store's window. The owner of the store started to notice him and got annoyed, fearing he would scare customers away.

So he went outside and invited him to come in so he could make his choices. But Mulla responded angrily "Don't disturb me, I haven't made my choice yet." Puzzled, the owner said, "but you cannot get a taste of the sweets if you don't come in! Please, come in!" Mulla was surprised and agreed. As he stepped in, he got a closer look, the smell was intensely seductive and he started to cry! The owner looked at Mulla and couldn't believe his eyes! No one had reacted this way towards his offerings of sweets in his entire life! Proudly he asked, curiously, what his tears were about. Mulla looked at the owner and ran away.

Two days later, the owner was passing by the market, full of fresh and sun-grown fruits and vegetables. He started to hear a voice, singing and touching his heart, yet it felt like he knew this voice. As he moved through the crowd he saw Mulla! Mulla was singing so beautifully that all people started to tear up! Mulla saw the owner and approached him. "You see, it is not what you sell in your store that made me cry. I cried because of the sweetness I tasted in myself. These sweets reminded me of the purity of the heart. Maybe, maybe you can taste the sweetness yourself now." As the owner looked into the eyes of Mulla, he noticed tears coming down his cheeks and suddenly his voice started to change and utter sounds of sadness. But these sounds were not of sad quality. They were of thankfulness, awe and bliss over the sweetness beating in his chest…

Seeker: That story... it touches something in me, but I'm still trying to understand. When Mulla cried in the sweet shop, was that pain or joy? It sounds like both and neither at the same time.

Turiyosho: What do you think? When you've been deeply moved by something - perhaps beauty, or love, or even loss - how would you describe that feeling?

Seeker: You're right, it's not so simple. I remember once my beloved teacher as she was dying. There was this overwhelming... I don't know how to name it. Grief, yes, but also something so beautiful about her life, about love itself. I cried, but those tears felt... sacred somehow. I had to dance and laugh - as she was full of celebration and so was this moment. She was gone yet as if was dancing with eternity!

Turiyosho: Ah, you've tasted it yourself then.

Seeker: But in my daily life, when I'm frustrated at work, or worried about money, or angry at my partner - that just feels like pain. Plain and simple. How is that a source of strength?

Turiyosho: What if, like Mulla, those difficult emotions are pointing to something deeper? What if your frustration is actually your heart calling for more authentic listening? What if your worry about money is really a longing? What if your anger at your partner is love calling to be revealed in you by you?

Seeker: So you're saying the pain itself isn't the source - it's what the pain is pointing to?

Seeker: Is this related to the moment Rinzai hit the nun?

Turiyosho: I see, someone starts to listen. Not to what I am saying but what I am hinting at.

Seeker: Hm - this is still not clear to me.

Turiyosho: Don't be seduced by all the entertainment in your mind. What if you allow yourself to sense purely? Without any commentator?

Seeker: Well, I don't know…

Turiyosho: Good, that's it for now. Until the next time.